Setting
An elementary school playground during lunch. It’s the first day of the new school year.
Characters
Three 3rd graders who just finished lunch and went outside to play.
[Their eyes locked. The hatred swelled as they approached each other like gunfighters in the old west.]
Joe: I hate you.
Mike: I hate you more.
Joe: I’ll always hate you.
Mike: I’ll hate you longer.
Joe: I’ve been waiting to see your ugly face all summer.
Mike: I’ve been dreaming about seeing you again.
Joe: Well, we’re here. Now what?
Mike: I don’t know…but we’re here.
Joe: What I don’t know is why you hate me.
Mike: I was thinking the same thing.
Joe: I’ve been thinking about it all summer.
Mike: Me too.
Joe: I could only come up with a few things.
Mike: Like what?
Joe: You hate me because I wear shirts with buttons and you wear T-shirts. You think I’m a computer geek.
Mike: No, that’s not it. I’m on my computer for hours a day and proud of it.
Joe: Oh…
Mike: I’ve been thinking that the reason you hate me is because I have a great golden retriever.
Joe: I have a golden retriever too from the best breeder in town…Mrs. Wilson.
Mike: My golden is from Mrs. Wilson too. I got him a year ago.
Joe: I got mine a year ago. My golden’s name is Vinny.
Mike: You have Vinny? I have Vince. They’re brothers!
Joe: Wow!
Mike: Then, the reason you must hate me is because I’m rich and live in a big house on Grove St. … it’s the house with the biggest swimming pool in the back.
Joe: My house has a big pool and I’m rich. That’s why I go to this fancy private school.
Mike: So why do we hate each other?
Joe: I don’t know.
[Just then, Billy the Bigmouth walked by and stopped to speak to Joe and Mike.]
Billy: Hi, jerks.
Joe: Why are we jerks?
Billy: That’s simple, jerks. I heard you talking about not knowing why you hate each other.
Mike: Why does that make us jerks?
Billy: You’re jerks because I told both of you that the other one hated you. Why? Because I wanted to have fun…and I
did…and I still am. [Billy walks away laughing.]
Joe: He’s the reason we hate each other?
Mike: I guess so.
Joe: I guess we really are jerks.
Mike: I’d rather think of it as we were jerks…now friends. OK?
Joe: Sure…maybe we can get Vinny and Vince together for a play date someday. I’m sure they’d like it.
Mike: I’m sure they would…and so would I.
The teachers called the students to come back into the school.
The End